You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
