I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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