just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
