I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
