Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
