I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize