I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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