who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
