just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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