Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
