I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
