I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I understand Curling. That high.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
