Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
