I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
