Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
