My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
