Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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