my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And then my night got REAL pukey
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
