pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Houston, we have a squirter
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
