apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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