I am in a vortex of obligation.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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