umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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