I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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