Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My cat gives me a boner
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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