It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
