I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
