he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
