my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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