new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
