um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
