It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
