I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
