Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
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Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
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I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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