someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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