If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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