hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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