White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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