Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
