I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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