After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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