i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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