Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
