Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
