it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
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The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
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Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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