I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
