Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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