I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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