I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
