Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
