If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."