I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
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Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.