I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.