nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.