I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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