the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
