I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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