I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I need to stop coming to work sober
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
