Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
