So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
do herpes really smell.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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