i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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