I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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