Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
